split screen game options are almost as confusing as printers

my friend is in the middle of telling me her dream
when my phone rings and I say,

“that’s the ‘i don’t care’ alarm.”

and she does a little laugh
but looks hurt

so i say;

'i was joking.'

but i wasn’t.
i meant it.

i think the world is in trouble
when tubes of toothpaste have
‘squeeze from bottom towards cap’
written on them.

sometimes I wish sex was like laser tag.

if I’m wrong about everything else at least I’m right about being psychic.